Why is writing New Year’s resolutions important?

1. It is a wonderful opportunity to think about your hopes, desires, and dreams for your life.

2. It helps you organize and formalize your dreams into tangible goals.

3. It provides a way to evaluate the areas of your life that are working well and areas for improvement.

4. It gives you a sense of direction and purpose.

5. By helping you achieve your dreams, resolutions  increase the likelihood that you will experience a fulfilling, satisfying life.

I recommend getting a head-start on your New Year’s resolutions by writing them in December; so that you are ready to hit the ground running at the beginning of January.

A 5-Step Exercise for Writing New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Create a master list.

Take 10 minutes to brainstorm and write down all the things you’d like to do in the next year, in this case, 2012.   Write down every idea that occurs to you.  Do not self-edit or judge your ideas. Be sure to consider all areas of your life, like family, friends, hobbies, work, fitness, and spirituality.

2. Prioritize your master list.

Read over your master list, and circle the goals that are most important to you.  These circled items make up your prioritized list.

3. Divide your prioritized list into short-term and long-term goals.

For the purpose of this exercise, short-term goals are those that you can achieve in one year or less.  Long-term goals are those that you need more than one year to achieve.  Often people underestimate the amount of time required to accomplish a goal.  Try to be honest with yourself about this.

Looking only at the circled goals in the master list, place a star next to the goals that will require more than one year to achieve (your long-term goals).  Transfer these items to another piece of paper entitled “Long-term Goals.”  Save this list of long-term goals to work on at a later time.  (The present exercise is focused on developing short-term goals.)

Then, transfer those circled items on the master list WITHOUT a star next to them (your short-term goals) to a third piece of paper entitled, “New Year’s Resolutions.”

4. Streamline your list of New Year’s resolutions.

At this point in the exercise, your list should contain between 5 and 10 short-term goals for 2012.

Evaluate your list.  Are there any goals that you’d like to add or remove?  If you have fewer than 5, make sure you’ve considered all areas of your life (see Step #1 above).  If you have more than 10, you will need to reduce this list by prioritizing your goals, as you did with your master list in Step #2.

5. Make your resolutions specific and concrete.

Read your resolutions and make sure they are not too general.  After you make each resolution as specific as possible, write 2-3 tangible steps that you will take to reach your goal.  See the 2 examples below.

Example–too general and vague

1. Lose weight

a. Workout more.

b. Eat healthy meals more often.

c. Drink less alcohol.

Good example– specific and concrete

1. Lose 10 pounds by October 1, 2012

a. Jog 3 days/week.

b. Eat steamed vegetables 5 days/week.

c. Drink alcohol only on Fridays and Saturdays, and no more than 3 drinks each day.

You can read the entire article here:

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/09/freud-as-philosopher/?scp=1&sq=freud%20as%20philosopher&st=cse

Currently, 5.3 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s; and by 2050, it is estimated that 14 million Americans will be diagnosed with it.  As a result of these trends, increasing numbers of couples are faced with this formidable disease when one spouse is diagnosed with it.  The memory loss and physical deterioration associated with Alzheimer’s are often difficult for couples to manage.  Seeking a diagnosis as early as possible provides couples a better opportunity to communicate about and prepare for the future before the disease progresses.

Couples can begin preparing for the changes associated with Alzheimer’s by discussing these 5 topics:

1)    How do you feel about finding out that one of you has Alzheimer’s disease?  What are your hopes, concerns, fears, and expectations about the disease?

2)    What is your understanding of Alzheimer’s disease?  Have you identified ways to obtain information and support, such as peer support groups, seminars, physicians, professional counseling, and online forums?  Have you contacted the local chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association?

3)    Are there particular experiences and/or meaningful conversations you would like to share with each other before the disease progresses?  When can you make time for it?  What needs to happen in order for you to accomplish it?

4)    Which family members, friends, and/or neighbors would you like to inform about the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s?  Whom can you depend on for support over the course of the disease?  Who will serve as the primary caregiver for the person with Alzheimer’s?

5)    Have you discussed financial and healthcare planning?  Have you completed legal paperwork, including a Last Will and Testament, Power of Attorney, Healthcare Proxy, and Living Will?  What are your thoughts and feelings about long-term care, such as in-home care, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes?

Historically, the retirement phase of life was considered to be a time for rest and relaxation.  Now that people are living longer and the retirement phase lasts an average of 30 years, retirees are spending these years of their life in a variety of ways.  They may decide to spend time on things like playing golf, traveling more, visiting relatives frequently, or purchasing a vacation home. Others may pursue a passion they never had a chance to before, like writing a book, learning how to play a musical instrument, going back to school, volunteering for a charity, or trying out a new area of employment.  Additionally, retirees may be re-hired by their company as a part-time employee or contractor.  The possibilities are endless.

Because retirement can make up a significant portion of a couple’s relationship, it is particularly important for couples to communicate about it and prepare for it.  Sometimes older couples feel that they have grown distant from each other over the years because of life’s many demands, such as childrearing and career obligations.  Retirement is a wonderful opportunity to renew a couple’s closeness and intimacy.  Talking to each other about the following topics is a good first step to creating the retirement life you desire.

Five Questions for Couples Who are Approaching Retirement:

1) What are your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about retirement?  Are you excited about it?  Nervous?  Overwhelmed?

2) How do you envision spending time in retirement?  Are you interested in particular activities or hobbies?  What needs to happen in order for you to feel ready to take these steps?

3) What are your feelings, thoughts, and values about spending and saving money in retirement? How much income do you want and need to have to sustain the lifestyle you desire?  Do you want or need to continue working for a while longer to cover your expenses?  Do you need to reevaluate how you are investing your money?  Have you created a Last Will & Testament?

4) Where would you like to live in retirement?  Do you plan to stay where you are?  Downsize? Buy a vacation home?  Live with or near one of your adult children?

5) What are your thoughts and feelings about aging?  Often retirement triggers feelings about growing older.  How is your health?  What are your plans for diet, exercise, and medical visits? Have you given each other a list of medications you’re taking?  Have you completed healthcare paperwork like a Living Will and a Healthcare Proxy?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8176565/impact_of_alzheimers_on_family_relationships.html?cat=70

As I continued on my walk, I pondered the differences between couples who stay together and those who break up.  I have observed in my clinical work that couples who communicate effectively with each other seem to have a greater chance of resolving difficulties and staying together.  Couples sometimes tell me that they recognize the need to improve their communication, but they don’t know what they should be talking about or how to go about it.

As a result, I have decided to write a three-part series for couples who would like to improve their communication. This is the first article in the series, which addresses communication in young couples who are going through the quarter-life phase of life.  The second article addresses couples who are approaching retirement, and the third article looks at couples coping with Alzheimer’s disease.

Quarter-life Couples:

Often couples in their 20’s and 30’s are busy planning their future and making choices about marriage, children, career, graduate school, owning a home, and financial security.  The following are five topics that young, quarter-life couples should be talking about:

1) What are your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about marriage, monogamy, and childrearing?  If you want to have children, how many would you like to have?  Would you like to adopt children?  What needs to happen in order for you to feel ready to take these steps?

2) What are your feelings, thoughts, and values related to career and finances?  How much income do you want to have as an individual and as a couple?  What are your beliefs about saving, spending, philanthropy, and investments?

3) What are your religious and spiritual beliefs?  Would you like your partner to share your beliefs?  What are your expectations for involvement with a community of worship (i.e. church, mosque, synagogue, etc.)?

4) How much involvement with in-laws, extended family, and friends would you like to have?  What are your expectations?  How frequently would you like to talk to, visit, or receive visits from your friends and families?

5) Where would you like to live?  Do you see yourself settling down in one place or moving around?  Are there certain places you would not want to live?  Do you prefer a rural, urban or suburban setting?

I was struck by the different moods of each family.  It reminded me that holidays like Mother’s Day can trigger various feelings for people, ranging from happiness and appreciation to loss and anger.  While for some people, the holidays provide an opportunity to celebrate and connect with loved ones, for others they are a reminder of previous family conflicts, loved ones who have passed away, or regret about the past.  Some people look forward to spending time with family at the holidays, some dread it, and others feel conflicted about it.

Here are 5 ways to cope with feelings about family gatherings:

1. Get a good night’s sleep the night before the gathering.
Feeling rested will reduce your risk of stress at the event by increasing your ability to think clearly and to be patient with your loved ones.

2. Begin your day with 15 minutes of alone time.
This helps give you a sense of inner peace and well-being.  Alone time can take many forms, such as a quiet stroll outside in nature, a hot bath, meditation, yoga, journaling, or sitting quietly.  Use this time to center yourself in your body and mind, to think about how you’d like the day to go, and to visualize a positive day.  Remind yourself that it is okay to have mixed feelings about spending time with family at the holidays.  Every family has its problems.

3. Prepare for stressful situations that might arise at the family gathering.
Decide ahead of time how you will handle potential problems at the gathering.  Will you try to resolve the problem? Will you leave the room?  Will you stay quiet?  Will you make a joke?  Developing a game plan beforehand will help you manage your stress at the gathering.

4. Practice deep breathing to stay calm in the moment.
If you start to feel tense at the gathering, try breathing deeply and slowly. Proper deep breathing focuses on expansion of the rib cage area, not the stomach.  Take a deep breath and slowly exhale to the count of four to six seconds. You can do this while sitting or lying down.  Repeat a minimum of five times.

5. Be sure to unwind after the family gathering.
Plan to do something enjoyable and relaxing at the end of the day.  This will give you an opportunity to reflect on your day and to enter tomorrow with a fresh start!

Click the link below to download PDF of Christine’s article.

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